Types of Mother Wounds
In the last section, we answered “What is a Mother Wound?” and now we are talking about the different Types of Mother Wounds. This pain is also caused by many other factors. Abandonment, neglect, and abuse. All kinds of abuse – physical, mental, emotional, you name it. Mother wounds can be caused by not having a stable or safe environment to be ourselves, make mistakes, or be honest. Not having support – likely due to the patriarchal belief that women cannot succeed or express themselves.
This can also sometimes be seen in mothers who appear to be holding their children back, tearing them down, and competing with them. Mothers who are unhappy for their children’s joy, talents, success, or good fortune. Or in mothers who are only connecting in order to meet their own needs – and not their child’s.
Bonus Resources for Types of Mother Wounds
And if you stick around until the end, I’ll send you off with some additional resources for exploring and healing mother wounds – including one of my favorite podcasts, books, and Instagram accounts.
Prefer to listen? Find the podcast episode below for Healing the Mother Wound!
Mother wounds are inflicted through generational traumas. Like internalized negative messages, unhealthy behaviors, negative self-talk, and toxic ways of communicating or handling conflict. Our mothers hand down their trauma, without even realizing it or intending to.
And we are entirely capable of doing the same, which is why being the cycle breaker in your lineage is so important – will talk more about that later on in the episode. But first, you have to understand what generational trauma is and why it happens. Read more in my article on Intergenerational Trauma and How It Ends With You. You can continue to be the way you were shown or you can choose to be different.
My Experience With A Mother Wound
I’ve touched on this topic in a few of my episodes but it has taken me a long time to be able to talk about it. Well, I grew up without a mother present in my life. She was around – but not available. Instead, she was detached and not at all interested in me. She locked herself in her bedroom and neglected my emotional needs.
Luckily, my father was there to pick up the slack, he played dual-parent and was the one who bought me tampons, took me bra shopping, and comforted me when I cried – which was a lot.
Difficult Mother-Daughter Relationship
As a child, I couldn’t understand why my mother wasn’t around. And I certainly couldn’t understand the profound impact it was having on me. When I was raped as a teenager and spent what feels like forever crying myself to sleep every night, my father was the one there by my side.
I don’t ever recall a single conversation about the incident with my mother… The one person who was supposed to guide me as a woman in this world. And be there when being a woman was the reason I was hurt.
Around the time that I entered adulthood – my mother abandoned the family. She just up and left one day, on Mother’s Day of all days. And she just never looked back. I struggled to understand what was happening, why she left and was already carrying so much trauma quietly. Unfortunately, I needed my mother and she chose to leave me when I needed her the most.
Ending A Mother-Daughter Relationship
I spent well over a decade trying to have a relationship with her. Seriously, I tried every single method, approach, and idea that could possibly get her to want a relationship. I ignored my feelings, tried to be supportive for her, calling more, calling less. Also crying, spilling my heart out… being less emotional and more shallow in conversation. Nothing worked.
Then, I found out she had stage 4 cancer, so I tried harder. Eventually, she passed away leaving me with no answers, no understanding, no closure. I had nothing but confusion, pain, and anger.
So now you can understand my relationship with mother wounds. Let’s talk more about the different ways it can impact us.
Continue The Mother Wound Series:
Click on any of the links below to continue or jump ahead. And don’t forget you can listen to the entire episode on the player above. Or through any podcast platform by searching for Root and Rise Podcast!
- What is The Mother Wound
- Types of Mother Wounds
- 11 Ways the Mother Wound Impacts Us
- The Mother Wound and Relationships
- Mother Wound and Generational Trauma
- Reparenting Yourself and Finding Your Inner Child
- Finding Forgiveness with a Mother Wound
- Resources for Healing the Mother Wound
- Journal Prompts for Healing the Mother Wound